6 Quotes & Sayings By Brian Regan

Brian Regan is an American comedian, actor, writer and television/radio host. Regan's comedy career began in the early 1990s when he became one of the few comics to perform stand-up on MTV's "Uncensored". By 1995, he was headlining clubs across the country. He was offered his own late-night talk show on The Comedy Channel in 2000, but turned it down because he wanted to concentrate on stand-up Read more

When Comedy Central offered him his own show, he accepted. The show ran for four years, and during that time Regan became one of the most sought after comedians in the business.

1
That’s why I admired that kid who spelled it wrong on purpose so he could sit down. He knew he wasn’t going to win, so why stand there for 3 hours. First round. “Cat, K-A-T, I’m outta here.” Then as he passed you, “Ha! I know there’s 2 T’s. Brian Regan
2
It’s good to be here. I’m just trying to go through life without looking stupid. It’s not working out too well. Brian Regan
3
We needed a refrigerator for our new place and I've never bought a refrigerator my whole life. I went into the appliance store, there's like 900 of 'em lined up, there's a salesman there. What's this guy supposed to say about refrigerators? "Well you got this refrigerator here, This keeps all your food cold for 600..You've got this refrigerator, This keeps all your food cold for 800..Check this out, 1400, keeps all your food cold. Brian Regan
4
So, what are you in for? MANSLAUGHTER! ! ! I SLAUGHTERED A MAN! ! JUST LIKE A PIG! ! ! PUT HIM ON A SPIT AND PUT AN APPLE IN HIS MOUTH! ! ! ! Brian Regan
5
Is there any I could get a glass of water?"[waiter] There is no way.. I toss and turn many a night trying to think up some way some how I could get glasses of water to costomers but I keep coming up empty... Legend has it there was a waiter here many years ago.. who had figured out a way to do just that but he is long gone and with him the secret. It had something to do with a glass rack and a faucet but no one has been able to put the pieces together so I must say no there is no way. HOW I WISH THERE WAS A WAY! ! ! . Brian Regan